Happiness

Well now I am sure off the project , and surprisingly (for me), I am exited about my candy land happiness project .
 There a lot of lessons I have learned this quarter, some from the journal writing class, but many also from my other psy classes.
 So my game is going to be all the little lessons I have learned, about happiness, sadness , emptiness, and contentment.
 So My big question before I started this class was , Why am I not fully happy, When every thing in my life says happy is what I should be.
 But I feel so grateful that I found the answer to my question I had, I know why I just never seemed to feel contentment in my heart.
 Turns out I have been running after a life with extrinsic value ONLY, a life I believed ,,that will make my mom proud . And on this way I forgot what I wanted , what brought me joy . Crazy huh , as a child if some one told me that I would have a problem figuring out what I wanted , I would think I had lost my mind.
Some times You live your life only to learn what you already once knew . 
  Since I realized i was on a journey to an inevitable dissatisfying life  I started trying to figure out what I want, and I am still figuring out a lot ... But either way I am happy to say ,  I am feeling happy again !!!! Truly content, enjoying my education, enjoying my friends, enjoying my mother , and of course my dear Erik :D  Just happy !!!!

Journal Transformation Project Proposal

Well I feel I would like to do my project on my journey maybe , figuring a whole and fulfilling life. That is about it , can not quite think of anything really. Well I guess I would just write about my ideas.

Okie so I just realized I have to have 3 proposals.

Well So the first when would be writing about my ideas on fulfillment, not happiness. Because I realized later that is what I was looking for.

Well mmmm I am not sure what else I would do, I don't think I could write a song, there is not one musical or poetic bone in my body. Well I am not sure where this idea will take me , but amm , i remember I was asking my closest friends one day, what is best advise they would pass one, I liked hearing what every one had to say. And somehow put that together.

Well the third idea. mmmm what can it be , dont quite know. I know I want my ideas to include the people around me, That is a big part of m journal entries, I thought it was all about me, and my mind, but the "me " is extremely dependent everything and everyone around. So a way to include peoples ideas, The exercise  I liked in class was the one where we all were to look at the same thing, and see what every other person thought or saw. I love that concept, maybe an experiment of that sort , and write about the experience . To incorporate my journal, My reoccurring thoughts and ideas, and ask the important people in my life to talk about it. And see it through their eyes.  

The power of detail.

The one great aspect of education I love, is when I realize I was completely wrong about something I was so sure I knew I was right about. That happens with big philosophical ideas like ( jeez I cant think of anything right now). Or just ordinary view points, like that of details.  When people asked for details, I would always wonder , why... make such a big deal about details !!!! ,. Does it really matter that much. And I felt that it was just a waste of time. Or when righters give minute details, it is just a way to fill up a page.

            But after reading, The power of details, I feel differently. It is amazing that such a tiny chapter can change an onion so very quickly. Although, I try not getting too attached to my onions. So I guess a two-page chapter is enough for me to change an opinion. To explain my self in more detail , the reason I feel differently is because I  never thought lack of detail can have an effect as large as   dehumanizing. When talking about war victims, when you say a million people died, vs. saying Georg Ferdinand Duckwitz died In war saving his two best friends while trying to dodge shooting bullets, makes a big difference in the listener’s empathy level. Or that life is nothing but a bunch of days, if not for the little details.For instance,  This moment is so wonderful, because I am sitting on a comfortable couch, on a warm day with cool calm cool breeze blowing in, cuddled with the family dog, hearing all the wonderful different sounds of life out side, like the neighbor playing the piano, the birds chirping. Of and on sounds of the cars driving by, which helps me appreciate the music even more. The smell of the eucalyptuses super mint scented candle making me feel relaxed. While I write what I feel, I realize that it is all these details that make today, this moment, so very lovely.  

 

Why Write.
Well there is just so many reasons to write, and I wish I could write more, I will try to take Natalie's advise and write anywhere I can, its hard for me to remember to write, but when I do start to write I can just keep going till my brain goes silent. That is one reason I love to write, I love the moment I can feel I am not thinking about anything, and meditating and writing is the only time that happens . There is absolutely no thought in my mind at that moment.

“What is important is not just what you do – “I am writing a book” – but how you do it, how you approach it, and what you come to value. “ Natalie Goldberg

When I started this blog, I saw it as nothing but home work, a royal pain in my ASS !!!!

Every week I would dread the process of reading the readings, and than , arggg having to write about it, and every one can see what I write.  So I would skim through the reading and put a time limit on all my readings, because of course I wanted to be done as soon as possible.  And than just somehow write something that shows I went through the reading. I did not see my self-getting anything from it.

            After I was reminded to pull my self up and  maybe stop viewing it all as JUST home work. I was able to get some joy from the process.

            Well the first thing I did was get my friend to help me perk up blog . After I liked the way my blog looked , I tried adding pictures, to add more life to it. I started to like my blog, and feel a weird sense of attachment.   I thought let me not put a time limit on my readings, and just read for how long I want to and can. And imagine that I have picked the readings, and I am only reading for myself, nobody else.

And  incredibly I am enjoying the blog and the process, and shockingly— for me – I am looking forward to writing about the readings. So I would have to completely agree with Natalie , What matters more is how you approach something

 

Happiness

when I was reading the chapter August I did not quite enjoy the reading as much , as when I read the first chapter. Also I was not as moved, now maybe it is because all the bad things that were said about her, that were not clouding my brain, or maybe it just wasn’t that good.  Either way it still wasn’t bad. I liked being reminded about how time flies, and loved the quote “ the days are long , but the years are short”. And I would completely agree with that. Its funny that we are so used to distractions all the time. I can not just drive, I have to drive with music. I can not just wait in line, I have to read something , or talk. Running without music is so dreadful. Many people have lost the ability to just be, and it is nice to be reminded to be mindful of that.

Another topic she mention that I connected with is, happy people are much too often taken for granted. And not taken seriously so often.  Ruben writes “It’s more selfless to act happy. It takes energy, generosity, and discipline to be unfailingly lighthearted, yet everyone takes the happy person for granted.” I did not quite realize that till I read it , and I noticed in my own life how true that was. I remember often when I was unhappy or feeling sad I would plaster a smile and be bubbly, just so I would not ruin the fun for everyone else. Although now i have stoped doing that, because I felt I need to be taken more seriously, however, I feel i had it right when I was younger.  But I also realized often sometimes its just subconscious. Body language specialist Vanessa Van Edwards explained that when people smile too much they are taken less seriously and viewed as less intelligent. So sometimes we dont even makes these judgements consciously. 

The readings by Paulson have been by far my favorite, not only because they were short and sweet. But they were great reminders of what is actually important, and what matters in the end of the day. 

A recovering jerk.

It was fascinating to read how we can so very easily be in denial about anything, and how perfectly we can rationalize just about everything.  I guess for me, feedback is very beneficial and  valuable.Although,  when I first hear criticism , I get embarrassed followed by sadness, that quickly translates to anger. But after I have mentally abused the critic, I than realize that there is truth in it. And than it does help me in bringing up my standard of performance 

 Don’t complain just work,

While reading this chapter , I thought,  my god I need to stop complaining!!!! , even right now I am complaining about complaining. But I do , I complain , Its funny but pitiful about the things I complain about. I could not even have asked for a better life,  and yet I somehow manage to complain. And after reading about the therapist and baseball player I realized I have to vow not to complain ever again. But than again I thought, everything we do is for a reason. There is a reason we complain, therefore it must serve some kind of purpose. Maybe it is therapeutic. If I have a had an awful day or week, there is a lot of sadness I am holding in, and after I talk about it to my best friend, or boy friend and maybe even mother, I feel better and more relaxed. So clearly there is a benefit. So.... Maybe I don’t have to go all cold turkey from complaining. But what I need is a little conversational check . Because what I realized is, I maybe complain just to talk. And that is where complaining turns dysfunctional. But if I can complain only when I need to, with people who I trust , than its serves a function.

Thank – notes,

I have always loved notes, thankyou notes especially. The only person I have given thank you notes is my mother, and I absolutely love to give them. And what surprised me,  from all the presents I have given her- which shamefully aren’t that many- thank you  , gratitude , love , and just random notes are the only ones she keeps. Even though thank you notes take the  least amount of time and money , but they mean the most to my mother. So yes I believe thank you notes are always a to do , in my list. But Maybe I should start  branching them out. It never crossed my mind to send them , to administration, or people who help out in the process. Although I would still find them hard to write to anybody, if there is something to gain from it, because than the joy of writing them is lost. 

Show gratitude ,

Well when I read this chapter what stuck out to me is that sometimes its hard to find a way to thank someone that help change your life, there is no way. So the next best you can do is pay it forward. I had such an incident , and uncle of mine once gave me a book – the power of the subconscious mind-  And it completely changed my life, and I read it more than 5 years agao, and I am still reaping the benefits. The change was such a drastic and positive one, that I have been ever since than trying to get him something to show how thankful i am to him. , but no gift or gesture ever seems good enough to me. So when I read about just pay it forward I felt such relief, and yes I feel that it is another way that is equally good to show gratitude. And I am happy to say I have lent it to my friend, and she too is loving the benefits the book provides. 

Be a commutarian

This chapter was fun and I read it in the best time. Just today I was planning on cancelling this volunteer job I had taken to coach kids squash, I have disliked every day that I have been there.  I was just about to call up and quit. I was happy to be reminded of my duty to keep on.

I do agree with the writer when he/she said , people just do not realize that there are responsibilities we have, as a result of the comfortable life we lead. It is actually our responsibility to make sure the homeless people are ok, this topic gets me going, and i can just keep writing about it. 

 

Art

I found the discussion on art In our class very interesting. I danced around with the idea of art for a while now. I have been fascinated with how strongly some people feel about what is art and what is not. I have found there to be many a times a extremely strong emotional reactions to other peoples taste of what "ART" is suppose to be .

This painting Is art to me- well to many many other aswel , because I see duality, now I don't know the story behind the painting , But i still appreciate the painting. The minute I saw the painting I started to think about the different kind of people that live within us, and only one or two are seen by the world at different times. I started to think how I have all the characters living in me, The saint, the sades , the loving generous girl, the hateful spiteful girl, the naive innocent girl, the street smart women, the girl next door, the slut , the intellect,  etc  There are so many people that live within us, and with different company , different times in life, some faces are louder. This painting brought about a  domino effect of feelings within me, SO therefore, to me this painting is ART.   

The reading Psychic Distance was interesting to read, Although I feel I appreciated the reading more, maybe because I read the article after our class discussion. Which in my opinion gave way more life to the reading. When I was reading about objectivity and subjectivity, I remembered our class discussion about the white painting. And that no matter what you say about art , it is definitely Subjective. My favorite part of the reading

Suppose a man, who believes that he has cause to be jealous about his wife, witnesses a

performance of 'Othello.' He will the more perfectly appreciate the situation, conduct and character

of Othello, the more exactly the fe

elings and experiences of Othello coincide with his own

-

at least

he ought to on the above principle of concordance. In point of fact, he will probably do anything but

appreciate the play. In reality, the concordance will merely render him acutely conscio

us of his own

jealousy; by a sudden reversal of perspective he will no longer see Othello apparently betrayed by

Desdemona, but himself in an analogous situation with his own wife. The reversal of perspective is

the consequence of the loss of Distance

I felt this was a great explanation of what draws and binds some people to a piece of art.

To me art is expression, Any one can express, Or any piece of art is some form of expression, therefore it is all Art. Like most things in life, Some art has more admires that other forms or pieces of Art, but nevertheless , that does not make it any less "Art". 

   
This to me is nothing but an inflatable toy, yet to many this is ART.

week 5

                     Ethnographic

I had a very different experience reading the two different reading. The reading I enjoyed surprisingly quite a lot was by Barbara B. Kawulich. And the reason I believe I enjoyed one reading, while the other one was nothing but a chore, was because, Kawulich’s readings I saw as benefitting me now and in the future. This might seem obvious, but for me I enjoy reading only if I feel if the information is beneficial for me in the future some how. Very seldom do I read a book just for pleasure.

          Participant Observation………  BY Barbara B Kawulich

             Her reading is not only beneficial for people trying study people and different cultures.  But also to anybody who wants to migrate to a different country, and anyone who has tried to intergrade to a completely different culture. The reason it is beneficial to anybody who wants to move to a different country, is because while discussing the do’s and don’ts’s of observing and trying to intergrade to the culture, so the people will not see the researcher as an outsider. Is golden information when anyone wants to move to a different culture, I only wish I read this when I moved to India, and than moved back to Sweden. It would have saved me hard ache. The best advise that might seem like commonsense, but yet underestimated  “the most important thing you can do to stop being a freak is to speak the language of the people you are studying – and speak it well”. This is so important, people in every country I have been too, are very judgmental about the way a person sounds. It seems anything that might differentiate one person from the other, often creates distance.  

         Although I do question the view of a person who stays in a culture for a year, and completely involves themselves with the culture. How broad and objective can their analyses be really??? 

On the other hand for the people who research a culture by getting in and out, how much do they really see? I feel like it would be the ice berg analogy, the researcher could only really see 5 % of what is going on, if not less. If I got some one a ticket to go to India for a week, and told them write up a analysis about the culture, they would not even be able to describe 5 % of what Indian culture really is.      

         But also if I was to go and experience a culture for a year, completely integrating, to the best of my ability. I would still come very short, as well, bee clouded by many personal relations and experiences. But of course a professional is better trained.

All in all I thoroughly enjoyed reading this article( if that is what it is called. )

                  Mmmm well why did I not like the other reading. Well I don’t remember much about the reading, probably because while reading, I kept falling off to sleep, and wondering how on earth has this to do with anything?? . Which after reading the article by Barbara, I realize ethnography has a lot to do with me and very beneficial to know. Well it is hard for me to be specific about what I disliked with Kaln’s, because the idea of reading that again, just makes me want to cry. But I guess after I get done with all my other readings, I can come back to that reading, and be specific.  

Journaling

Journaling

To me journaling is proving to be an extremely rewarding experience, and exiting to realize to be able to see my thoughts, to be able to read and reflect on my own ideas, that give rise to even more ideas. And therefore I enjoyed reading what other people wrote as well. It was pleasing to realize my belief that nobody is stupid, just some people are more knowledgeable, proves to be true. I felt like reading the different journal entries written by people were also interesting in their own way, and had some sort of insight.

            I found it particularly hard to be able to pick two journals to analyze. I first wanted to pick journal writing by Hitler or Stalin, Or any famous hated figure, and compare that journal to a famous humanitarian, and than try to find a manner in which they are similar to one another, but unfortunately wasn’t able too.  Instead I just randomly picked journal entries that did something for me. I first picked a journal entry from Kurt cobain, prior to reading his entry I did not know that he was, but found his entry quite fascinating. I like the way he was blunt with his language. It seemed like he was just writing what he was thinking. Maybe the appeal to his journaling style was that I find my self-journaling in the same way.  Here is a piece from his entry

“I kind of feel like a dork writing about myself like this as if I were an American pop-rock icon-demi God, or a self-confessed product of corporate-packaged rebellion, but I’ve heard so many insanely exhaggerated stories or reports from my friends and Ive read so many pathetic second rate, freudian evaluations from interviews from my childhood up until the present state of my personality and how I’m a notoriously f—ed up heroine addict, alcoholic, self destructive, yet overtly sensitive, frail, fragile, soft spoken, narcoleptic, neurotic, little pissant who at any minute is going to O.D. jump off a roof wig out blow my head off or all 3 at once. Oh Pleez GAWD I can’t handle the success! The success! And I feel so incredibly guilty!”

I am not quite sure what it was about this passage that I liked, but after reading this I went and looked him up. I enjoyed reading his entry.  From reading the many journal entries –to try to find the one- I found one genre convention of journals was, that most of the writers were talking to themselves through their writting. It is interesting how people will call a person that talks to himself crazy, but if someone journals instead, they are being creative and productive. Even though, in both cases the person is pretty much doing the same thing, releasing your own thought to them selves.

Another genre convention of journaling is letter writing. In many journals people are writing to some one else. Words or thoughts they have not, will not, share with the person they are writing too. I personally did some journaling when my father hurt my feelings, and I was not able to tell him he hurt me. So instead I wrote to him in my journal, and I felt better. The next journal I picked was from a random person, who is presumably writing to a former love.  

Many journals entries I read were like these, a note to someone that is not intend to be shared, I assume.

Another convention of journaling is observation. For me this is one I enjoy quite a lot, although I do also enjoy the other conventions. However, there is something very therapeutic about observation.  And often in journals people write about some random observation, and then go deep into the thought. I enjoy keeping my journal with me as much as possible- even though I do not have it as often as I would wish- it is rewarding keeping it next to me.  When there is a quick observation I make, I like to just write it down, and when I have time, dive into it.